Desperately seeking nonerroneous ways of seeing a Polaroid
I have been thinking a lot about why I photograph recently- I mean the real reasons other than the burning knowledge that I absolutely have to. The obsession, the truth behind the image, the very real need to record, but also the need to deliberately construct and record and present back as reality. I am trying to understand it more, really get at what is happening, what am I trying to convince myself of, where is the truth and what is the construct- and if what I shoot is for others then who are they, why am I putting these things out there? I wont go into why right now but when I’ve got somewhere I will probably post an update- but the sleepless nights and confusion kinda leads me to this image, it does everything for me, possibly even contains the answers to all those questions but the more I stare at it the more I cant get any closer to this truth. If in fact, there is no truth in this image, then what purpose is it serving surely not just its potential to become just another ‘beautiful thing’. The only thing I know for sure, is that this Polaroid, the one on my desk, not how you see it in front of you, actually existed in, and became a part of this room, its not what I saw through the camera, and its not what you would have seen if you were stood right behind me, but its existence has taken on this weight of truth now. It’s also just about one of my most close to ‘making me give up cos I don’t need to shoot anymore’ instances ever. Of course I wont, but this image right here, would almost persuade me….. Oh and you should really listen to some Iggy Pop whilst trying to type, it really really throws yr thought process out the fucking window.
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